And the final score...

This post was copied from our old blog, where it was written in October 2013.

TEAM PINK: 5
TEAM BLUE: 1

We are thrilled to announce that we are officially expecting a new baby girl! We accepted a referral for a 15 month old girl at the end of September. In an crazy twist of fate, we've been staring at her photo since April. Our agency had partnered with her orphanage and some of the staff traveled to meet the children available for adoption in February 2013. They put together a slideshow of the kids they met and sent it out in April. Our girl's face was the first in the slideshow. The moment I saw her eyes, I felt them staring into my soul all the way from China.

See?

I thought of and stared at this mystery child for months and on September 27, we got the call referring this same exact precious baby to us! We received updated photos in October. Here she is at 15 months. Can you even stand it?

She has unrepaired cleft lip and palate. Sometimes children with this issue will get their lip repaired in China, and sometimes not. We are hoping that she doesn't get it repaired there because it would be great to have all her surgeries done by one craniofacial team here in the US. And also, I can't help but worry about how awful it is for the kids who have these painful surgeries in China and have to go through it all alone. I'm actually trying to avoid thinking about that possiblity at all.

While I'm here, here are the answers to some of the questions we're frequently asked:

Why are you adopting internationally instead of domestically? 
When we first decided to adopt in 2006, we researched every option. Domestic adoption didn't fit us for many reasons, the main ones being we had a biological child already (less chance of being chosen by a birthmother) and the uncertainty of the process. The laws in the US are written to protect biological relationships. So if a birthparent gives up a child due to turbulent circumstances, but then later gets his/her life back together and wants the child back, the US laws will ensure they get him/her back. We were not strong enough to be able to handle that uncertainty, especially with Gianna in the mix. I know that personally, I would have lived, breathed, slept and dreamt the unexpected phone call in that scenario. So we opted for international adoption. And once our eyes were opened to the horrors orphans in other countries face, we never looked back.

Why China?
In response to the question "Why China?", well, the simple answer is because China is where our daughter is. China has a very straightforward and predictable adoption process. China is also a signed party of the Hague Convention, which for all its faults, does help to ensure that the children available for adoption are there legitimately, and weren't taken from their birth families through unscrupulous means. As a bonus, we've been through China's process and they are supportive of adoption of children with special needs. The in-country timelines are super accurate and this is something we need to rely on since we will all be traveling this time. And if we needed more reasons, China is gorgeous and we feel very lucky to be able to travel there again.

Why special needs (again)?
I understand that 99% of the people who ask this are doing so with Gianna, Camille and Evie in mind. Why adopt another child with more special needs when you've got 3 children already, 2 with major needs? We've also been asked why adopt again at all? I guess it's hard to peer into our minds, but for us, this is a no brainer. For us, the question is actually: Why not? I am a stay at home Mom. I've never failed to appreciate how fortunate I am to be able to do so. Because of my situation, I have the time to invest in caring for extra needs. Endless therapies, medical equipment, special education, fighting for medical treatment--I'm on it! It's my job and I love it. My girls inspire me every single day to try to be a better person. Just the other day, (before she knew anything), I was talking with Gianna about the very real possibility of adopting a child with a significant facial deformity. With zero hesitation, she commented, "Mom, I don't even care what my new brother or sister looks like. The only problem that will bother me is if someone makes fun of them!" When the seeds of compassion are planted in the hearts of young children, it is the most beautiful thing.

How in the name of ... are you affording 3 adoptions in 6 years? 
I'm actually not offended by this question as I know many in the adoptive community are. It is personal, but many people ask this in complete sincerity, as finances are listed as the #1 obstacle for people who want to adopt. So I have no problem answering it if it might help another family take the leap. We are a 1 income family living in California and we haven't won the lottery yet, so for us, it all comes down to prioritizing like crazy. The choices of what to invest in are endless: A new kitchen? Bathrooms without endless lines of grout? Cars that aren't from the last decade? Appliances that aren't purchased off Craigslist and that come with all the bells and whistles (like receipts and warranties)? Updated wardrobes (certainly no one has noticed yet that Nathan's and my wardrobes are more relevant to the late 90s than anytime in this millenium)? Trips to new destinations? While I would love to indulge in any/all of the above (and can I throw lipo onto the list?), we've decided these items are in no way essential to our family's long term happiness.   At the end of the day, I guess it boils down to the fact that we don't particularly care for "things".  So we make a trade-off; it's not actually that we are affording these adoptions, it is that we are NOT affording other things that mean less to us personally. The average international adoption is terrifyingly costly, but there are things to help offset that cost. We have the US tax credit and various grants and loans we can apply for. Basically, like all the best things in life, it comes down to a huge leap of faith. Once the decision has been made, things have always worked out for us. I can recount numerous stories, but from this adoption alone: We made the decision to adopt on a Sunday night. On Monday, Nathan got a raise AND learned that he qualifies for adoption benefits from his employer. With that, a little portion of the costs were taken care of. It is terrifying to step out onto that wobbly branch with hope, not sure how hard or easy financially things will be. The only thing we've ever been confident of is that in the end, everything will be worth whatever the cost. Looking at our girls' faces everyday is a tangible reminder of this fact. 

Thank you for following on our journey! We anticipate travel will happen in 5-6 months.

Paper Cuts and Pepto

This was written on March 25, 2013 in a post on our old blog which I then copied and pasted here. 

Well, hello there.  Surprised to find yourself here reading this?  We are too!  Actually, maybe I always had a little deep down hope we'd be sharing this sort of news again, and am thrilled my hope has come to fruition!  In any case, thanks for joining us on what is sure to be another wild ride full of carrots on steroids, drivers "huffing" on the job, recycled pastries, Stillettos on Ice, people mopping carpets, taxi stand trauma, and missed midnight flights--all culminating in one of the best days of our lives.  (<---If you don't understand that sentence, it's because you haven't read our last 2 adoption blogs.  But don't worry, I promise just as much fun this time around.)  Humor and guaranteed misadventure aside, we are SO excited as we go through it all to find our newest little bundle.

I always add a background in my initial adoption blog posts because other first time adopting families and families just considering adoption will read this.  If you already know us, we won't be offended if you skip to the next paragraph. Or maybe skip all of the paragraphs, because you've probably already heard it all before.  In 2004, I had a very difficult pregnancy with our first child, Gianna.  I had to have an invasive heart procedure during the pregnancy and doctors advised me never to get pregnant again.  Check.  I had been drawn toward adoption ever since I heard about China's One Child Policy and its ramifications when I was in 9th grade, so the pieces were falling into place for me.  Nathan, on the other hand, hadn't ever considered it, so he had a lot more soul searching, reading and research to do.  In the end though, obviously, he was fully on board and we moved ahead.  We began our adoption of Camille from Kazakhstan in May 2006.  After a lengthy and colorful time in country, we brought her home in March 2007.  By May 2009, everyone was potty trained and I was totally caught up on laundry all the time, so we decided to take the leap again.  We started paperwork for another Kaz adoption, but several months and a couple of dollars later, we heard strong rumors that Kaz was closing for adoption.  We had to bail on that program and switched to China's special needs program.  The day after submitting our application, we received the referral of a 14 month old beauty.  We brought Evangeline home in September 2010.  

We will never forget the plight of orphans.  We've walked amongst them and cannot un-see their faces, we cannot un-hear their voices that no one responds to, we cannot un-know what we know about their horrific fates.  We cannot pretend they do not exist because we've seen that they are all real, live, flesh-and-blood little people.  The 150-200 MILLION orphans worldwide have been planted in our hearts.  The thought that Camille and Evie could have lived out their lives alone, and in Evie's case, not survived very long, makes us physically sick.  We also happen to really love kids, most especially ours, and all the chaos, action, noise, fun and blessings they bring to our lives.  Not a single day goes by that the enormity of our luck in becoming the parents to each of our 3 girls doesn't cause me to pause and whisper a "Thank You" to whatever it is that brought us all together.  So it should come as no surprise that in March 2013, history repeated itself when we forgot all the hard parts.  Suddenly, we really missed expiring documents, notaries, authenticating agencies, blood draws, visits from a friendly social worker, and intimacy with diaper pails.  Most of all, we realized there was an empty seat at the dinner table and what we really missed was another pair of sweet cheeks to fill it.  

We're going back to China, but the process has changed since last time.  We now must be "dossier ready" before they will match us with a child.  By the way, for those who don't know, "dossier" is an innocent sounding word that means "2 foot stack of paperwork that will drive you to the brink of insanity".  Several unsuspecting trees die untimely deaths to create this stack that includes proof of vital information, including the facts that we still haven't contracted tuberculosis and still haven't started a cocaine habit.  So, I will spend the next 3-4 months or so compiling all this paperwork and then happily re-compiling expiring paperwork.  Yes, I've already stocked up on antacids and may have had a swig of Pepto yesterday.  Eventually, it will all go to China.  Once the Chinese government approves us, our agency will determine fates as they match us with a child.  There is a possibility that we will be matched before that time if we decide to go with a child with more serious special needs.  We are open to girl or boy, age 4 and under, and open to a variety of needs.  The past 6 years of our lives have driven home the point to us that we ultimately cannot control what life hands us, and it's usually very exhausting trying to.  Beyond that, we've also learned that attitude does make all the difference and the biggest blessings come in the most unexpected ways.

To expand on this, when we were in the process of our first adoption, we specified over and over "Healthy Child Only!"  The Camille we met in Kazakhstan appeared anything but healthy; however, as shocked and unprepared as we were, we were not going to leave her there!  Only once we got home and went through about a year's worth of testing did we learn Camille had cerebral palsy and a rare hearing disorder.  We suddenly found ourselves in the Special Needs Club without ever having signed on any dotted lines to join.  But being thrown into this arena became one of the pivotal points in our lives as we learned not only that we were capable of parenting a child with special needs, but more importantly, that this little girl was SUCH an amazing blessing to our family.  We came to understand firsthand that no child is ever defined by their diagnoses, and we are so thankful our eyes and hearts were opened in this new way.  With Evie, since we had experience with CP and hearing loss, we requested to be matched with a child with similar needs.  Her file reported she was deaf and had tight limbs.  Upon returning home, we learned she had totally normal hearing, but 2 years later learned that she had a rare neurovascular disease and needed 2 brain surgeries.  BUT....we all survived and even more, came out on the other side of all of it: happy, grateful, amazed, humbled people who are so lucky to be able do it all again.  So we've buckled up and are ready for the next ride!

We don't have a firm time line, but assuming we get a match as soon as our dossier is in, I'm guessing it will likely be fall 2013.  By the way, has anyone noticed that our timing for these adoption trips weather wise is always a huge FAIL?  Camille's trip = -30 with windchill of -130.  Evie's trip (I never saw a thermometer, but these are highly educated guesses) = 176F with 199% humidity.   I have a feeling Sweaty Eyelids are coming back for an encore performance.  You're welcome.

While we know nothing about the time line/age/gender/special need of child #4, we do know that all 5 of us are traveling to China for the trip.  Yep, you read that right.  We called a family meeting to tell them we were going somewhere.  I held up a big photo book of China and they all screamed.  Then I told them we'd need to pack a few extra things because we were going for a special reason, and held up a diaper and a bottle.  The screaming intensified, and based on the amount of time my ears were ringing afterwards, I'd say they are pretty excited about the trip and a new sibling.  I can't even imagine what the flights will be like as five Burrors will head to China and six come home.  The innocent passengers in surrounding aisles just got more unfortunate, the sweat rings in my armpits just got bigger, and my IQ just slipped 20 points, but it's all for the best reason ever.  I probably won't update again until something exciting happens in a few months.  Until then, it's just paper cuts and Pepto, so I'll spare you.  Thanks for reading!