Tallulah Mei Day

It seems like I've lived a couple of lifetimes since the last time I posted here!

We spent Sunday morning meeting our travel group that I wrote about before and going to the store to pick up the rest of the baby supplies.  (Remember how confused I was in American baby aisles?  Imagine Chinese ones...)  Then we went back to the hotel and paced the halls and watched out from the 12th floor window to see if we could spot the babies coming in the front door. 

All of us families were supposed to be waiting in our rooms, but we couldn't help ourselves, and waited in the hallway when we saw the babies coming in the front door.  I spotted Tallulah right away as they rounded the corner from the elevator.  I hope that I never forget this moment and the quiet gasps of the other parents I heart echoing through the hallway as they saw their babies too.   She was being carried by her nanny and looked completely terrified.  The nanny handed her to me and the guide translated, "She is very sensitive.  She has cried the whole way from Pingliang".  (FIVE HOURS.)  She immediately burst into tears when I held her.  The nanny gave her a piece of hard candy (to an 18 month old) (with unrepaired clef lip and palate) (apparently presuming I know the Heimlich) and walked away.  Tallulah screamed louder.  This is actually exactly what I was expecting.  I've studied her pictures and videos for so long and kind of had formed an idea of what she might be like.  For the most part, I've been right.  So I was prepared as one can be for that sort of reaction.

This is the part I meant when I was speaking about dreading the day.  There really is no feeling more sickening than actually feeling like you are kidnapping a child.  She has the most expressive, soul reading eyes I've ever seen and when she looked at me with pure fear, it took all I had to not lose it too.   Thus began the 7 hour Cheerio feeding, hallway pacing, bottle feeding, song singing, Chinese lullaby playing marathon.  For the first few hours, she would randomly cry the same sad cry that Evie did--the hopeless, empty one that breaks your heart a thousand times.  Fortunately, her crying would not last as long as Evie's did.  I think she was just exhausted from the FIVE HOURS of crying earlier and couldn't manage many more tears.

She went to bed around 8pm easily.  She woke up around midnight and began to whimper.  I got up immediately and held my arms out for her, not sure if that was going to send her into hysterics or not.  And unlike Evie, she actually came toward me and slowly put her little arms up for me to pick her up!  I rocked her for about 20-30 minutes and put her back in her crib asleep.  She woke again at 3am or so, and from that point on, decided she no way, no how was going back in that crib.  She decided she was perfectly happy in my arms or on my chest, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.  A few times, I was holding her up on my shoulder and patting her back, and she reached her little arm around me and patted mine (well, her arm is tiny so it was more like my shoulder, but so stinkin' sweet).  This baby girl got the VIP treatment for the rest of the night and woke up around 6:30 alert and calm. 

We've had to take care of several adoption related legalities since we got her.  We've had to have her visa photo taken and had to do the official adoption process and paperwork on the Chinese end at the Civil Affairs Office.  She freaked out on the first elevator ride and car ride, but I was able to calm her down fairly quickly today.  I think she is scared of the feeling in the elevator, especially if it's crowded, and still dislikes the car ride, but if she's snuggled tightly, she is ok.  This makes me wonder why and how she was crying for FIVE HOURS yesterday on the car ride.  Today, at the Civil Affairs Office, one of the staff from the orphanage was there (one of the ladies we met yesterday).  She kept coming up to Tallulah and talking to her and holding her arms out to hold her.  Tallulah would look at me and then back at the lady, but made no attempt to go back in that lady's arms.  This woman would not leave her alone, however, to the point of almost making her cry.  Tallulah's eyes filled with tears and her chin started quivering and the woman started mocking her with a fake cry sound.  I know it's a different culture and all, but I couldn't see that being appropriate from any standpoint.  I wanted to punch that woman.  (Don't worry, I didn't.  But if we ever meet in a dark alley, I can't guarantee her fate...)  Our little girl is definitely sensitive, and I hope this snapshot of treatment from staff was out of the ordinary.  I'd hate to think that she was treated like that regularly. 

Anyway, my Aunt Meri and Uncle Frank have been amazing on this trip.  We are so, so, so grateful they came because I have no idea how we would've gotten through yesterday's trauma and this morning's legalities without their help and support.  We are so blessed.  We also have been very fortunate to have a wonderful and fun travel group this time as well.  My aunt, uncle, and all of us families are staying on the same floor of the hotel, so it's been great to be able to be together to support each other during this time. 

About how the girls are transitioning: Gianna is a born little mommy and she hasn't really left Tallulah's side.  She wants to be there with her through good and bad and is the best big sister ever.  She even went with us today to go through the boring hours of paperwork.  We are so proud of her.  Camille is mildly interested, but still standoffish.  She still has a hard time with the sound of babies crying (a throw back to her orphanage days--really), so my aunt and uncle have kindly just swooped in and kept her busy, had her for a sleepover in their hotel room last night, etc.  Evie is interested, but again, has a hard time with knowing how to react to her being upset, so she's spent a lot of time with Meri and Frank too.

We are still very much in transition phase.  It's never guaranteed how fast or slow bonding may happen, and we know that it is going to be one tiny step at a time.  You offer a Cheerio, and hope it is accepted.  You reach out your arms to offer comfort, and hope she reaches back.

For Your Viewing Pleasure:

No, we weren't stalking the street from the 12th floor waiting for babies (Oh, there they are!)

Babies coming down the hall.  Tallulah's in pink on the left.

First pic we took of her with us

Nathan & Tallulah with our travel buddies, Adam & Mei

First realization that she's a thumb sucker

Reading a book while waiting for adoption certificate

She's smart AND cute!

Getting the famous "red footprint" signature--She's signing up to be part of our craziness!

Snuggles

Cut to nap

Best big sister

First smile caught on camera: High fiving big sister!

The food here deserves its own post

I'm not kidding.  I must write about this stuff.  Sometime soon.

Here are all the layers Tallulah was brought to us in on a 55F day.

These boots deserve a picture of their own.  The orange fur?  The rabid, moustached rabbit?  She's wearing these as long as they fit.

I'm sorry the comment thing still isn't working for many of you.  I tried it and if I select "Anonymous" from the "Comment As" bar, it worked for me.  But thank you for the emails and FB messages instead!  We appreciate the support and thoughts so much.  So much more to report.  I will try to write more of the many details tomorrow.

Landed in Lanzhou

We made it!  Our guide, Sally, and driver, Tom, met us at the airport to bring us to our hotel.  Why do I always feel like the in country staff lies to us about their real names?  Is it because they're afraid we might slaughter them if we tried to say them?  Maybe this is another thing we can blame on the Bubba Gump effect.

Anyway, Sally is very nice and told us a lot about Lanzhou, our home for the week, as we drove the hour and a half from the airport.  It is a small city for China with 3.3 million inhabitants.  It has a very unique landscape.  Siberia's sand has blown here over the centuries to create huge hills all around, that in turn have created a little "valley" where most of the people live.  China is implementing a new project where they are going to plant trees on all the sand hills and then irrigate with the Yellow River to create more vegetation.  I hope that river has a lot of water in it.  They've already started on it, as you can kind of see in the pictures.  This certainly doesn't look like any other part of China I've ever seen.  It reminds me more of Kazakhstan, with its arid feel, which I guess shouldn't be that surprising.  Kazakhstan isn't too far from here.

Anyway here are a few pictures from today:

    The girls as we were leaving the Garden Hotel this morning...we can't wait to go back on Friday!

This was spotted in an airport shop.  So much material.  So inappropriate for an adoption blog.

                     Our view as we were coming in for a landing.  See the need for greenery?

These huge sand hills covered the entire length of the freeway as we drove in.

                                                    "Tom" and "Sally" leading the way!

Believe it or not, this is Lanzhou's "suburbia"

Quick shot of the Yellow River as we drove into the city

Anyway, just wanted to give you a snapshot of where we are.  I'm sure I'll take many more photos as we are out and about for a week.  The hotel we are at, the Zugong, is just ok.  For anyone traveling after us, I would enquire about the JJ Sun instead.  When I turned on the shower, and it smelled like urine, I almost cried. It could've been the jet lag, but probably it was the urine smell.  Gianna held her breath the whole time.   But it's ok...we can do this for a week.  I need to stop being a spoiled American is all.

My aunt and uncle made it here around 8pm and stopped by our room to have a quick dinner with us.  They are staying just across the hall.  Two other families who are adopting are traveling here even later tonight and will be our "travel group".  One family is a couple married 32 years, and this will be their first child.  They have an amazing story of perseverance in becoming parents.  The other family has 2 boys at home, and this will be their first little girl.  We connected on Facebook quite a while ago, so I'm really excited to meet them in person.  My aunt and uncle were actually on the same flight as one of the families from the states to Beijing, so they've already met.  Both of these families' girls' are also coming from the same orphanage as Tallulah.

Speaking of the star of the show, our little nugget will be leaving her orphanage tomorrow at 8 am and should get here around 1:30pm!  This is the part I most dread.  Of course, the end game is that we are here to adopt her and welcome her into our family.  But what I mean is tomorrow she is going to be taken from the only home, friends and caregivers she's ever had--her entire life, as imperfect as it may have been, is all she's ever known and it's about to disappear overnight.  And she's most definitely at an age where she will have some emotions about that, I am sure.  I can't stop reliving when Evie was brought to me, and the 2 weeks of pure grief and trauma that poor child went through.  Being at the Garden Hotel last night really brought back some fresh memories (for me, not her).  Just thinking back to the hopeless, terrified way she cried makes me get all choked up.  I hate that she ever felt that way, and I hate that we might be putting another sweet baby through that.  In the travel prep call with our agency, this transition is likened to a kidnapping, and if you look at it through Tallulah's eyes, that's got to be exactly what it feels like.

 A couple of good things:  On the car ride here tomorrow, one of the other girls who will be coming along to meet her new family too is reported to be one of Tallulah's closest friends.  I'm not sure how a 20 month old has best friends, but I'm grasping for straws here, so I'm going to take it.  Sally also told me that Tallulah's nanny is supposed to be coming along tomorrow, so that makes me happy too.  At least she will be surrounded in the car with familiar faces and her nanny will be here to reassure her that everything will be ok.  Evie didn't have that, and sometimes I wonder if it would've made a difference.

Anyway, overall, we are so excited that this is Tallulah's last night as an orphan and so ready to meet our new sweetheart.  We are hoping and praying that she is able to understand soon that we love her and will take care of her every need.  And we would be really grateful if you would join us in wishing her little heart the same speedy healing.

I'll post tomorrow night if/when I can depending on how things are going.  Oh and also, I think I fixed the comment issue.  Anyone should be able to leave one now.  Let me know if not.

Made it to the mainland

Ok, nothing to report other than what the title suggests.  I just want to make sure this posts and sticks from within China's borders.  We're here at the gorgeous Garden Hotel tonight  (where we will also come back to next week to stay for our last week).  We fly out to Lanzhou at 11am tomorrow, arriving at 4pm.  Remember my story about yesterday's bus driver?  The Chinese fly their planes the same way.  Pray for my heart palpitations to be mild and for the pilot to understand my English should I need to report any technical problems to him.

Oh, while I'm here, there is something critical I forgot to mention yesterday.  I saw this sign at the Peak Tram station and nearly died of embarrassment.  One of the world's most famous attractions actually boasts this sign (and restaurant):

Is this the best the world can borrow from the US?  Please say no.

Also for those of you emailed me that you can't comment, I think it's because you need a Google, Blogger, or WordPress account.  It's ok if you don't get around to it.  I totally understand (that you are now dead to me).  ;)

See you in Lanzhou!  Only 2 more sleeps Tallulah Mei!

Hello from Hong Kong

Hello from foggy, windy Hong Kong!

It's Friday morning here, and we've had an adventurous 48 hours.  We've been on planes, trains, subways, taxis, buses, trams, cable cars, elevators and escalators.  In other words, it's guaranteed that we have already come in contact with EVERY.SINGLE.GERM that Hong Kong has to offer.  Poor Gianna seems to have already come down with some sniffles, but so far, it's not stopping her.

In short, our last 2 days:  The plane ride was great.  It was really smooth, with only about an hour of knicker-staining turbulence over Japan.  The girls were awesome!  They read, did homework, played with stickers, watched movies, and slept.  Evie sat next to a tiny old woman, and while she only spoke Chinese and Evie only spoke English, they entertained each other for hours.  They played Play Doh and the woman helped Evie practice her letters in her workbook.  Adorable.

Me?  Oh, I did my usual careful monitoring the Moving Map for 15 hours straight.  I know the pilot counts on me to keep careful track of the altitude, head winds, speed, nearest land masses, and exit strategies.   I love my job, and I think I'm good at it.

 

 

We had to wake the girls up when we were landing, but they rallied and were great.  We got to our hotel, showered up and went to bed around 9pm here.  We awoke at 2am (Evie, Nathan and me), 3am (Camille), and 4am (Gianna).  I think it best to get on local time as soon as possible, so I cruelly made the girls lie in bed until 5am. 

Once we got up, we knew we had to make the most of our day since we really only have a day and a half here.  It was really foggy, but we took a chance and rode the Peak Tram up to Victoria Peak in hopes that the fog would clear later and we could get a nice view.  No dice.  This was the best we got on our way up, then it got foggier. 

 

I asked the girls if they were getting tired.  Of course, the answer was "NO!" from the little born adventurers.  So we decided to take the trip out to Lantau Island to see the Big Buddha and Po Lin Monastery.  We rode the cable car out there.  Normally, I don't like that kind of thing but knew Nathan and the girls would enjoy it, so I decided to woman up.  But this time, it was SO windy going over the bay and then through the hills of Lantau that I really thought I was going to puke.  As soon as we got off of the FOUR MILE RIDE OF DEATH, we went straight to the ticket window at the other end to see if we could get a refund for our return trip on the cable car and just take a bus back.  (The Aussie girl who was in the cable car with us beat us to the ticket window to ask the same question!)  Anyway, it was still incredibly windy on the ground, but we had fun touring the beautiful monastery and grounds.  The girls all walked the 268 stairs up to Buddha and back down, and even Evie needed no help.

 

 

 

 

Girls in the Po Lin Monastery:

 

 

Bottom:

 

 

Top:

 

 

Check out these pots on the monastery grounds.  If the wind was strong enough on the ground to knock these huge heavy things over and break them, imagine our ride suspended high up in the cable car!

 

 

 

So remember that bus ride we decided to take to be "safer"?  Well, in the words of Camille, "I think he (the bus driver) was dreaming about being a race car driver!"  I'll let the pictures tell the rest of the story.

 

"My head just hit the window!"

 

But, we made it through it all alive and were still smiling on our last subway ride at the end of a very long day.  So proud of my girls for holding up their end of the bargain and doing their best to get over jet lag with no complaints!  Now if they would just stopping touching, caressing and mouthing every damn surface in sight...

 

 

Today we are catching a train to Guangzhou, about 2 hours away on the mainland.  We're sorry to be leaving HK so soon, but we have an early flight tomorrow to Lanzhou.  I'll probly try to post once more quickly tonight just to make sure that this site is still working there in China.  We had some issues with it even here in HK.  If for some reason I cannot get this site to work there, I will go back to the old one at www.burrorfourplustwomore.shutterfly.com , so you can check there if you don't find me here.  The password there is pinkorblue.

 

Two days until Tallulah Day!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Farewell, America!

Tomorrow is the day we leave for the adventure of a lifetime.

Many things have led to this day.  For us, of course, there was the paperwork.  There were the social worker visits, fingerprinting appointments, and immigration approvals.  There was OH. MY. GOD. THE. PACKING for 6 people, one of whom I have never met, for 2 ½ weeks. If this kid doesn’t like giant flower headbands, a small piece of my soul will surely wither to ash. 

There was the hammering out of travel details: visas, hotels, planes (Mommy’s got her Ativan!), trains, and passenger vans.  There was the embarrassing attempt to recollect all the gear that babies need and all of the second guessing that occurs when browsing the vast store aisles filled with said gear.  There was the incredibly somber last visit to my sweet Target to pick up all our last supplies.  (My Beloved Target, you know that I simply will have to cheat on you with Chinese WalMart, but please know it means nothing; I will be thinking about YOU the whole time.)   And of course, there were my recurrent nightmares about the flights.  Bygones.  We are ready.  We are ready to love this little girl in real life instead of just through photos.

But there were also things that led to this day that happened somewhere else.  The gravity and heartbreak of what happened to our daughter and her birthmother on a summer day in 2012 in China will never leave me.  We will get the privilege of raising this little girl--sharing in her joys and sorrows, going to her school performances, brushing her hair, baking muffins, helping her fill out college applications.  For reasons most of us will never be able to understand, there is one other mother who will not.   This part always nearly breaks me, yet we’re the one who are getting the best end of the deal.  I can’t imagine how the other missing piece of this puzzle feels.  So while we are SO grateful for all the well wishes and prayers we’ve received, would you take a moment to spare a kind thought or whisper a prayer for the mother who had to walk away? 

During 15 hours of bliss, we fly from San Francisco direct to Hong Kong tomorrow.  We will then drag our incoherent selves to Kowloon where we’ll stay for 2 days at…(drumroll please)…The Nathan Hotel.  You might think we chose it for rather obvious reasons.  But you’d be wrong.  This picture on the hotel’s website is definitely what did it.  

Who can say no to free name brand hygiene products?  Not me. On Friday, we take a train to mainland China and fly from there to the city where we will meet our new daughter and sister.  She will be brought to our hotel on Sunday.

By the way, we did get an update on her this week.  She’s gained some weight and is walking!!!  Can you even stand the preciousness?!  And it looks like they are letting her hair grow out?!  Usually our kids come to us with heads that have a cleaner shave than my legs.

Ok, one more thing, then I’ll shut up.  If you’ve read this whole blog, remember the post where I talked about affording adoption and how somehow things have always worked out for us?  Well, I was hitting the Pepto Bismol pretty hard last week because we had received no grants and it was time to pay final travel fees.  But on Wednesday, we received two grants and a gift from my parents!  On Thursday, Nathan got an unexpected bonus, not to mention a nice raise.  So in 2 days, a huge portion of our adoption costs were covered.  And the rest will be covered by the adoption tax credit.  

Lovely blog readers, new and not so new: We LOVE your comments and emails.  If you are reading, please comment, even if it’s just to say hi and tell us about your day.  While adoption trips are amazing and beautiful and life changing in the best possible way, they can also be messy, heartbreaking and isolating. There is no way to describe the feeling of being in a foreign country with a terrified and possibly grief stricken child who doesn’t know you, surrounded by unfamiliar sights, sounds and smells, and thousands of miles from anyone who might recognize your name.   Suffice to say, there are some pretty intense moments.  So if you stop by here, for the love of unicorns, please tell us what you had for breakfast. 

See you in Hong Kong!

Tick tock

Three weeks from today...

...we'll be a family of six!  

...my girls will have a new baby sis!  

...Nathan and I will be parents of four!  

...there will be one less little girl going to sleep alone!  

We are going to China!!!!  We finally got our official invitation from the Chinese government allowing us to bring all 10 of our American feet to their soil and leave with 12.  We will have our sweet girl in our arms and lives forever on Sunday, March 9.  We could not be more excited right now.  With the knowledge that this will be our last adoption and child, there comes a greater mindfulness and an even deeper appreciation for the opportunity.   As excited as I am to get to her and bring her home, I find myself pausing throughout this adoption to simply enjoy it, trying to remember how much the completion of each step means and writing everything down for her.  As much as adoption paperwork has driven me nuts for the better part of the last 8 years with 3 adoptions, I will admit that a small (and clearly very sick, twisted) part of me is going to miss going through the process only because I know the treasure that lies at the end.

Our more astute blog readers may have noticed we’ve chosen the name Tallulah for her, which means “leaping water” but honestly, we really don’t care what it means.   We’ve always been too shallow for name meanings.  We just loved the name.  Her middle name will be Mei Wen, which is the name she is known by now in her orphanage.  We have no idea what it means, but promise to find out while we’re in China.  Yes, we do realize her initials will be TB.  As long as she doesn’t actually have it, we’re over it, and hope you can be too.  We’re thinking since tuberculosis is nearly eradicated from the US, we can invent a new moniker for her initials.  The Best?  The Brightest?  The Beautiful?  Cast your votes now.

Nathan, the girls and I will depart for Hong Kong on March 4.  We want to give the girls and ourselves a little time to get over jet lag before we pick her up.  So we will sightsee in HK with them, then catch a flight to Lanzhou (pronounced lon-joe) in the Gansu province on Saturday.  Tallulah’s orphanage is actually in a city called Pingliang, a 5 hour car ride away from Lanzhou.  Through the snow.  Uphill.  Both ways.  With no shoes.  Or car seats.  Ok…I’m kidding, but only about some of that.  She will be escorted to us on snowy mountain roads sans a car seat, which is making this expectant Mom a little nervous, but I'm trying not to think too hard about the parts I can't control.  She will be brought to our hotel room like Evie was.  We’ll spend 5 days there in Lanzhou waiting for her passport, then we will head to Guangzhou (pronounced guang-joe) in the Guangdong province to finalize the paperwork.  This is the same city we finalized Evie’s adoption in and I, for one, am excited to be able to go back.  Guangzhou is really pretty and has lots to do.  From there, we will head to Hong Kong on March 20 to travel home as a family of six!

Speaking of family going along, we are SO incredibly lucky that my aunt and uncle have decided to come along and join us also.  They’ll be meeting us in Lanzhou and will come along the whole way.  We feel so blessed that they would make this long journey with us, not only because they want to help us, but also because they are equally excited to meet Tallulah and welcome her into our family.  For them to jump at the chance without us even having to ask really warms our hearts and reminds us how lucky we are.

I will probably post one more time stateside before we leave.  We’re getting a VPN this time to hopefully get around the Great (fire)Wall of China.  If that works, I may be able to post updates and pictures on Facebook while we are there, but for the most part, I will just be journaling here.  Thank you for following along!